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The ugliness inside

Recently, people getting married, getting together or giving birth is starting to affect me more than I previously thought it had.
The affection and willingness to give is so overwhelming that it really touches the depths of my soul.
The love for a spouse
The love for a child
The love for a friend

Somehow, it almost feels as though I'm incapable of such a thing and it stings.
I look inwards and see a bottomless pit of darkness, void of that ability for love.
And that's what hurts.
I only see traces of ugly, spite, selfishness and laziness.

The people I used to deem as uncommitted to perfecting the hymns in choir are in fact,
the ones who are committed to loving the people around them, loving God.
And it tears me up inside, to have been blind to that.